So I’m having one of those sad days. I like to think it has nothing to do with my life, it’s just my depression, and it’ll go away soon and I can be content again. Life’s fine. Nothing in particular should be making me feel sad, but I do, and it’s that hopeless negative feeling where I don’t want to move and all I want to do is eat and eat and get fat and stay in bed, or not eat and not eat and feel goddamn hungry and stay in bed.
I’m going to try and find some kind of cause for this glum feeling. I hate being like this.
Ideas:
- My weight’s been flucuating like mad. I’ve got down to a smaller than average size over the last few weeks – pretty much by forgetting to eat coupled with a chest infection – and although I felt kinda weird being less curvy I liked my smaller boobs. Over the last two days however I’ve felt horribly bloated and sick, ever since I had a tiny bit of cheese. I feel enormous and my boobs are giving me issues again. WTF? I guess the warning that if you starve yourself, it all comes back quickly, is true in my case. Damnit!
- Some people are fucking stupid, and it really grinds my gears. Not only stupid but insensitive. I feel almost unspokenly criticised for the way I handle my relationship. As if I should feel bad for being the way I am, and going against the norm of things. No, I don’t say “I love you” to my boyfriend. I don’t ever, ever mention he is my entire world and that I’d die for him. I don’t talk about how I want to marry him and have his babies. I truly don’t care if he sleeps with anyone else – I simply don’t have that jealousy. Yes, I am sceptical of all relationships, including my own. However, don’t you dare say that any of those above reasons invalidate my love for my boyfriend. What he and I have is unique and exclusive and I don’t care to explain it to people, but they just don’t get it sometimes.
- Money.
- Medication making me feel shitty, just a dry mouth, but damn it gets old fast! I feel as though I am constantly thirsty (which I am), have constantly bad breath (which I do) and I and forever feeling as though my dry mouth cannot be quenched. Stupid fucking pills… but at least that’s the only side effect so far.
- I have been helping a friend through relationship troubles, and she seems to really appreciate it, but I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing to be honest… I may have inspired her, but I really don’t know if it was down the wrong road or not.
Fuck, I don’t know. I know this isn’t in my mind, it’s in a different part of my head, it’s not my fault, blah blah but this depression REALLY FUCKING BLOWS
1 Comment
September 29, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Aww Molly.
)
I hate that people take the liberty of slapping a value on anyone’s, especially your, relationship. I’ve had the same problem and I don’t like that you’ve got the problem too. It hurts a lot. I know it does. I feel your pain.
I hope things get better for you. In terms of relationships, the only opinion that matters in terms of you and Pepe… is yours (and Pepe’s
<3sc